Weaning Ourselves From Research

It saddens me to see the world move closer and closer towards research and revere it as if it were the answer to everything. I equate it to a cancer that has now even taken over even my child's education. I'm pretty sure you too have been lured to think research-based anything is also the way, but before you turn your head let's question why we think research is important? In a very simplified set of reasoning....it must be because most people want 100% assurance that learning is happening in classroom.....we've all heard about the bottom line; are kids learning what they are being taught? But in trying to frantically assure ourselves of the content in our child's brains, we have undone a few golden nuggets of hundreds of years of when education existed without the assurance of research . For starters, the trust we have in teachers and in teaching has been lost. Teachers are bombarded with professional development sessions weekly because they are not trusted to know what they know. Two, we now operate from a fear-based model and have abandoned teaching our children flexibility. Last, we have parsed out learning into units of information, disconnected from one another and thereby taking away the magic of their connection to each other.

Research has broken the creativity and stripped away and invalidated the inner knowledge of teachers. Teachers become teachers because they notice they work well with children and so they are already blessed with knowing how to communicate information to a young mind. Teachers use to be able to have an innate knowledge of their child population and were allowed to come up with creative ways to transmit that knowledge based on that specific population's needs. Now, teachers are handed down systems and programs that often do not fit their populations. These programs are labeled research-based and teachers trust less and less in their own inner research of their population.

Research is a fear-based approach. We fear that if the child is not given 100% proven methods success will not be assured later in life or that somehow they will not be successful in their path. How incredibly stupid and absurd! In the Buddhist philosophy you learn that the cessation of pain and suffering does not happen through control, instead, it happens through letting go and learning to assimilate life events into our life. In my own life experience I have suffered greatly as a young child, anyone would shudder at hearing all I have gone through at a young age. Yet, I have used all my negative experiences growing up to make myself stronger. So if what we want for our children is success, should we not be teaching flexibility instead? No one can control what happens in later life at all so trying to research things to death to assure us of 100% anything is a lost cause. I reward my children for being flexible and allowing small disappointments to teach them about how what we consider tragedies may not always be surrounded with pain. Tragedies and suffering are opportunities for being broken open as human beings and if we stop operating with fear of what might happen we might actually see that even in the deepest of tragedies light shines through.

My 5 year old son who cannot write or read yet is being taught about question marks. I do not doubt in the future , maybe in 2 years, this information will come in handy, but teaching a non-writing child about a punctuation mark is as important as teaching him how to do Morse code. I of course do not blame the teacher, I blame the people on the very top who make these decisions about my child; they do not have the right perspective to be making these decisions. In buying into research-based programs we have abandoned the research we ourselves do as teachers in the classroom by observing our own kids. We have also abandoned our trust in our own judgements as we evaluate their needs. In being forced to superimpose these foreign programs and ideals created by" researchers" who probably work in antiseptic offices far, far away from REAL kids and bringing them into our classrooms we face a conflict of huge proportion. Disconnectedness is bound to happen when too many systems float around in one classroom; how can it not. None of this information will matter to a child unless it's taught in the context of his own world and I do not need research to know this. As a nation, as parents and as educators we need to forcibly insist on education being holistic and always somehow intimately connected to our child's lives. I want my children to love learning and when education is parsed out into disconnected bullets of knowledge it looses it's magic. I will never forget a lesson learned in graduate school. My professor gave me a xerox copy of an apple and told me to tell her all the apple facts I could come up with based on the information I was given; obviously not much information could be derived from a picture of an apple. Next, she gave me a real apple and a butter knife and told me to write down about apples.

We do not need years of research to tell us what we already intimately know about the way we learn. I urge teachers to trust their minds and their love in children and that is the most powerful "program" you can buy (into). I urge parents to fight for their children and to question systems that teach children disconnected pieces of knowledge. In the urge to get to the finish line first, schools are sacrificing the magic of childhood; our child's childhood. Think, and question why it's so important to read at a certain age? Does a child who learns to read at 4 have a more successful life? Will it assure happiness in later life? Why have we become so frantic about memorization? Question whether your child knowing their alphabet sounds really spells out a more successful or happy adult? Should not the love of learning and the love of satisfying our creative and intellectual curiosity be the driving force behind our child's education? None of these issues were important to me before I had kids, but now that I have children these issues take center stage. This is my child and I want him to love learning. That will not happen is he's taught about things that have no connection to his life now. I am disappointed to see so few parent and teacher advocates on this issue. We have come to a point where we no longer question or investigate. We look at the numbers and trust them. "Oh, this is a 10 school, they must be doing something right". Or, "this is a 2 school, they must suck". Think....but WHO is evaluating and what criteria are they using?

Early Childhood Dreams!

Children

Competent, capable learners

Operate in the “scientific method” (making assumptions about the way the world works and then experimenting to check them out)

Children with disabling conditions do not have “special needs”, they have “special rights”

Drive the curriculum with their observations, insights, and questions

Teachers

Are seen as “researchers”

Spend much time observing and documenting children’s work both in words and photos

Are partners with children in the learning process

Remain with a group of children for a three year cycle (birth to 3, or 3 to 5)

Are educated with “on the job” training

Families

Are true partners in the life of the center

Are expected to participate in decision making

Are reflected in the documentation throughout the center

Program/Curriculum

Centers have an artist on staff

All of the arts (visual, dance, music, etc.) are integrated into the daily life of the center

One administrator with an education background oversees one or more schools

There is a regular routine to the day, but the schedule for activities is not fixed

Children are encouraged to take multiple perspectives. They look at things from different aspects and angles

Children represent and re-represent their impressions through different media (drawing, writing, sculpting, etc.), building on their knowledge through in depth projects over time

Environment

Thoughtfully prepared to function as the “third teacher”

Along with art areas in each classroom, there is an art studio in the building

The outdoor area is as important as the inside as a learning environment

Natural light and plants abound

Documentation of the children’s work is displayed throughout (and left up for a long time)

Lots of mirrors and places to climb up and under (to allow children to see things in a different perspective)

Attention paid to use of light and shadow

Allow

Allow.....such a powerful and helpful lesson to reaching true happiness.

So many times a day I practice "allowing" that it finally seems a bit easier.

I allow the feeling of frustration to pass through me when I realize my alarm did not go off.

I allow my hubby to disagree even if it does not fit my idea of what I wanted him to think.

I allow my son to scream without seeking comfort in yelling back.

How many times we fight life and all its surprises?....We try so hard to change and shift our world to fit our idea of what the world should be that we forget that life is meant to be unpredictable and that fighting all this unpredictability only makes life harder and more miserable.

This is one reason I abhor movies about love. How finite and strict these movies have come to define love. They make it seem as if love ONLY comes dressed in candles, flowers, poems and wine and leave out the gamut of other styles of love that exist in the world. It begs the question, could there be love without flowers? without gifts? without poems? The movies would have you think not and setting you on a lifelong quest for prince charming. But prince charming might come dressed in any of thousands of forms. If attached to one finite idea of love, you might miss it all together.

So next time to meet a person who might not fit the "mark" of a prince charming....allow them to teach you about their style of love.

Been painting again

This one is on sale at MiriamsArt.etsy.com

Painting Again

Art is contagious. I teach children art and their enthusiasm has infected me. I also have come to learn that my own children would benefit from seeing me follow my passions; painting, collage, photography and cooking. I created a painting this past week and as expected my kids wanted to paint too. I had long feared this scenario, yet it went pretty smooth. They painted for 20 minutes then went on to another activity and allowed me to finish my painting without any disruptions. So all this time of not painting fearing the constant disruption and unpredictable mess, I had no idea it would only last for a few minutes. Now my 2 year-old knows what a canvas is and my son sees that colors can be layered when the paint is dry or wet. It's a win-win situation all around. I get to paint, and they learn and get inspired.

Apparently I'm Into Leather...Why didn't someone tell me?

One thing I have learned from reading every one of Katie Byron's books is that what other people think of me is THEIR business not mine. This is a HUGE improvement from where I use to be. I use to painfully care what others thought of me where it would consume all my time and energy trying to change their minds. Trying to control other's thoughts you know is a truly exhausting task; a full time job indeed. Luckily, I am cured from such a distortion of the mind and am free to be me without a care in the world.

I was happy to return to one fo the MOST valuable Katie Byron's lesson today when an acquaintance from work approached me and professed to know that I was somehow into "leather" or that I must had some exotic private life based on the fact that I wear a 1/4" width leather bracelet. His boldness and intrusive conversation both caught me totally off guard and made me chuckle at the same time. When I stupidly erred and continued the conversation, I briefly tried to correct him and make him aware of the plain nature of my life these days, he simply retorted with a smirk, "I've been around, I know". I then made a very conscious and Buddhist choice to just let it go and allow him think whatever he wanted of me and that his thoughts really were none of my business anyway, even if they were about me, his thought were none of my business. If he wanted to think of me as having a more exotic private life, more power to him...enjoy your fantasy buddy! If he only knew that most weeks I hardly even get a chance to put on lipstick, and even less pluck my eyebrows. Exotic is not part of my life....my priorities these days are so far from trying to be a deva...(LOL)

When I got home I shared with my husband this guy's assumptions based on my tiny leather bracelet that my son gave me a year ago. I had even forgotten this bracelet was even on my wrist and we both had a good laugh. It also made me realize that I too have lots of unproven assumptions swimming around my head; mostly about people I hardly know. In light of my experience, I made conscious effort to purge them out of my mind.

Life is quite funny if you have the right outlook.

Have a great day!

What Do Teacher's Make?

A co-worker sent this to my e-mail ad I just had to post it....pass it on!

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.

One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"

He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: "Those who can, do.. Those who can't, teach."

To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?"

Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began...)

"Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.

I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor winner.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental.

You want to know what I make?" (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.)

I make kids wonder.

I make them question.

I make them apologize and mean it.

I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.

I teach them to write and then I make them write. Keyboarding isn't everything.

I make them read, read, read.

I make them show all their work in math. They use their God given brain, not the man-made calculator.

I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know about English while preserving their unique cultural identity.

I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

I make my students stand, placing their hand over their heart to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, One Nation Under God, because we live in the United States of America.

Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.”

(Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)

"Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn't everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant.... You want to know what I make?

I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make Mr. CEO?"

His jaw dropped, he went silent.

Been Painting Watercolors

Been painting 5x7's in watercolor.......so relaxing......In teaching art I often get the itch to do it too.....I recommend it to anyone!!! who does not like watercolor-ing?

3x4 feet collage

Nora and I worked together yesterday to change around an old collage I had sitting around. She tore these black pieces of paper from a magazine and we both added in the pieces where we felt they looked best. This collage is on sale at my Esty store at an unbelievable value!

Animals and their Role in our Lives

I grew up without many animals. We had maybe one dog for a few years but that is about it. After college I was in a relationship with an avid animal lover and I began to see and feel the benefits of being a pet owner.

In our family now we just adopted 2 kittens and our kids could not be happier when they see them, hold them, play with them. It has been somewhat an uphill battle teaching the kids to be respectful of the cats as living beings, yet slowly, they are learning to be more compassionate and getting to see that the benefits come when they put out gentleness.

Following the Parent's Tao Te Ching for the Next Few Months

I love re-finding books in my home library. Lately, I've been needing some grounding in my thinking when it comes to what is really important in parenting. Luke has started school and all of the sudden I find myself uptight and unable to just ALLOW.

Here are some lines from the 1st Tao that I will try my hardest to follow in the next few days.

1. "Don't mistake your desire to talk for their readiness to listen."

I am a BIG lecturer. I have memories of me rambling on and on and seeing my son just hating every minute of it. Then I have memories of my mom lecturing me and acting very much the same way; could not wait to have it just end. So I will ease up on my lecture seeing as they are very ineffective.

2. "Far more important are the wordless truths they learn from you."

So now I feel I must decide what WORDLESS truths I want to my kids to learn from my actions alone.

- I want them to learn that material things are so unimportant and that at times they can even make you sad. I express this WORDLESSLY by the fact that I never care what brands I wear. Our entire family values a bargains over price.

-I want them to learn that I value them as very important and respect their wants and needs and paths in life apart and independent from how they might be rated in school. I express this WORDLESSLY by always following their learning paths

Here is another book that has changed my life.

Collage Chair

Nora and I spent the evening decoupaging this chair. We had a blast!

Congruence

The older I get the more I rely on my intuition when dealing with all kinds of situations and people.

A few years back the minute I met someone difficult or rude I'd immediately absorb their negative energy and take their rudeness personally; as if somehow it was my fault I was being mistreated. My intuition was fairly weak and of little help in giving me insight on someone's odd behavior. I'd simply react and allow it to wreck my mood, my day, my hour....somehow it was always me and never them.

Today I feel much more confident in my abilities to see things as they really are. When encountered with a difficult personality it never even occurs to me that it has anything to do with me. What's different? Today, my foundations are my family, my few close friends and the fact that I know and accept myself with all my faults. This foundation has allotted me a fearless strength not found in the "me" of years past. I could safely say I live a fearless life.

I may be dramatic, yet I never say something I do not feel truly in my heart. I may be obsessive but my intentions are always pure and for good. I may be bossy and demanding, but I never disregard anyone to meet my own needs first. I may have very little time for making new friends, yet, when talking to anyone I always remind myself that every person has a slice of sacred in them. You will never see me talking to any adult, child, animal or insect with disrespect. Words matter. I know. Last, I may talk too much, but I am the same person to all people and my intentions are always positive and healthy towards all humanity.

A difficult personality in my book is just someone who is not themselves, or walking a fine line trying to be someone other than themselves. When you meet them and your intuition is fully awake, you feel their energy closed and tight, sporadic, restrained and unable to come across in a fluid, congruent manner. They are the over-praisers who fear your disapproval if they stop complimenting excessively. They are the ones you know right off you will never penetrate; for their story about you in their heads is way too heavy to untangle. Last, they are the overly serious people who follow some stiff fundamental ideas and turned away from their use of basic common sense. I meet them, feel their suffering and move on.

It's so liberating not to crave approval, or to fear disapproval.

It's so liberating to have a clean and open heart ready to accept all these difficult personalities and simply live around them unaffected by their actions.

Life is absolutely perfect as it is.

Missing my 132 Crew....

Ms. Green is the one in the middle.

As I start a new year with a new community I am reminded of all the times I've been new.

There's the time I first moved back from South America at age 9 and did not speak a lick of English sitting at a NYC public school absolutely terrified, alone and miserable. I am also reminded of all the times I've been new at the many schools I've been blessed to work in and having those difficult few weeks adjusting.....Each time I've been more confident and less nervous.

Today I find myself at an excellent school and a strong community, but I find myself missing my old PS132Q; the school I left behind. I feel more confident than ever, yet I find myself yearning for the community I left behind. In thinking about it further, I come to see that certain people in that community are the ones that gave it a community feel. This revelation speaks volumes about the power just one person has in creating and shaping a community.

A great example of how one person can shape and create a community would be Ms. Green. Ms. Green was the 3rd grade teacher at the old school I taught at for 4 years and my dear friend and classroom neighbor. On days where I forgot to bring lunch I'd be surprised with a tupperware-full of soup she had made the night before. She would greet me every morning with a huge smile and went the extra mile to be there for everyone with advice and encouragement. No matter the circumstance, she always resorted to making good out of the situation and never once spoke negative of anyone of our colleagues; always gave people a chance.

I'd say being "Ms.Green-like" is my goal in terms of how I'd like to be within a community. I aim to be consistent, positive and free of judgement toward others. I aim to be true and congruent in all my words and actions. I will also most certainly aim to keep my core strong and not allow other people's drama to consume me in any way. But most importantly, I aim to be proactive in building a new community now, where I am, no matter how unnatural that may feel to me at the moment. This last goal is a hard one for me for I am initially aloof as a newbie. I've been told before that this attitude comes across as snobby, yet there's not an ounce of snobby in me; it's all just shyness.

I will open and allow and not close away my heart to new experiences and friendships. Instead of yearning the past, I will carry their diamond gifts in my heart and allow their gifts to help me flourish in this new place I will someday feel as "my home".

A battle with weight loss.....I say give me back my life!

Just as I thought, It's happening....slowly but surely, I am losing weight!!

I knew deep inside that the change would come if only I stopped making losing weight such an intense need in my life. You see, I am a stress-eater. I eat when I get stressed, or have nothing to do....Yet, I knew that the minute I realized that life was more than reaching this goal, I would lose the weight.

Instead of all this fretting, I began just "being there" for everything, 110%. I walk everywhere with my children in a stroller and not necessarily focused on getting to my destination fast or faster. Instead, I just focus on having fun with my kids....loving their little voices, minding their moods without getting frazzled, and simply allowing myself to feel right in my own body, no matter how "not-skinny" I felt. If I ran into anyone, I would enjoy their words and truly listen to their stories and not get caught on the destructive thoughts that haunt all people who have struggled with their body as I have.

Being Yourself, The most valuable lesson of all

As I see my son attend his first few days of school, I think about the life lessons I really want him to take with him to the future. For my husband and I the most important lesson we would want our kids to learn is simply being themselves. Right off the bat you might think, "It's so cliche", yet it's the state of being hardest to achieve.

You might think there surely must be other things you'd want for him? My answer is positively not....that is all. Let me illustrate. If you look at people around you who are truly happy and radiate tranquility and peace in their eyes, their actions, interactions and their demeanor, they are the ones who are simply themselves. They love themselves, flaws and all. No matter their economic situation, job status...etc, they are truly happy in their own skin. Now! Everyone else you meet....like the repeatedly rude people, the people who for whatever reason do not greet you in the mornings, the ones who muster out fake compliments or unnecessary comments, the ones who abuse their power, all those people are struggling.....no matter their economic situation....they are struggling and suffering minute by minute.

In being a mom I try hard not to put on the proverbial "mom hat" in which all things mommy-like are expected of me.....all those layers of expectations can get your mind muddied real fast, pull one in all directions and cause all sorts of suffering. When we cling hard to the hard and fast learned roles of "mother", "friend", "daughter", etc, invisible strings of expectations start to build.

A good example of this is my new job. For the first time in my twelve-year teaching career I find myself a mom of a child at a school and a teacher within the same walls. At first, I felt a sense of panic and thought I needed to play two very separate roles in order to keep those 2 worlds from getting messy. I worried that when I talked to other parents I needed to decide which role I would play. Yet, meditating and in trusting that all great solutions are simple and common sense, I came to realize that I need only be who I am.....that is the continuity; the common thread.

I aim daily to just be me and in being me I wish to allow others to just be themselves too.

Have a blessed day.....

The US Rebellion Against Intellectualism and REASON

It's so sad....the public option in healthcare is dead. How each side could come to the table so sure of their position and not able to come to some real compromise is so sad. Now each American HAS to pay for healthcare, and the health companies get richer.

The exchange below shows how reasoning and intellectualism have been tossed out the window. Why are FACTS not the main topic of conversation? If we stick to the facts and people searched for the FACTS there might be some real change....but no one really cares about the facts....I see people right and left complaining about their health care yet they do not want to discuss this issue.....they hardly see their essential role in this.....

This is a huge win for the insurance companies.....companies control America and profits matter more than people....such a sad day.....

end of rant....back to life.

Does Higher Standardized Scores Mean Happier Grown Ups

One of the things my husband and I have come to learn and believe is that higher standardized scores do not necessarily transfer to a happier or a more successful grown up. This national obsession with numbers and results has led to school situations that are far from natural.

My husband and I are fairly nontraditional in our child-rearing beliefs. We don't believe in baby sleeping in a baby rooms, or racing to get our kids to read. We don't believe in formally planning to socialize our kids before they are ready or in forcing them to go to bed at ridiculously early hours. In seeking within and witnessing our kids grow, we have come to believe that they learn best when concepts are taught within a natural environment and within context, outdoors, or engaged in activities that carry no stress or overexcessive amounts of irrelevant information.

As I prepare to teach yet another year, and this time with my own son within a public school system, I have made to pact to always remind myself and my son that his worth should never be connected to his grades. I aim and trust that no matter what his academic path looks like in these coming years, my main goal in raising him is for him to enjoy his childhood, learn all he can about the things he loves, like rocks, volcanoes and The North Pole (this week). I will do my best to make these years as magical as can be and always focus on the sacred in him always.

Don't Throw Away, Give It Away

I am having a great time getting free furniture from Craigslist.org. Not only is it ecologically sound, but it also saves you hundreds of dollars....but most importantly, it's FUN! Tonight I am picking up an 18-month-old queen frame and box spring and yesterday I picked up a solid oak coffee table with matching side tables . I had toured IKEA just yesterday and was more than willing to spend a mint to get what I wanted yet was turned dizzy trying to figure out their "way" of doing things. What a maze! How someone could enjoy their one-way corridor baffles me. I soon realized I could get the same, better for either free or through buying used furniture from craigslist. Below are some items I found free on craigslist, just so you can get a sampling of what you can find....and that it's not all trash.

SAMPLE OF ITEMS FOUND FREE ON CRAIGSLIST JUST TODAY IN THE DC AREA:

LARGE WOOL RUG.

LOVE SEAT

IKEA TV UNIT

TV STAND

Going Home.....

The topic of home and what we all consider home has been on my mind a lot lately.

Yesterday my daughter Nora started crying as we were walking back to our apartment, "Home" she cried in the frustrating 100-degree DC heat. As she sees that we are approaching our new apartment building she whines, "No, Home!" I realized then that she meant our old home where we used to live with Lela and Lelo and it broke my heart to know of her little 2-year old self yearning for something she could not have. It was going to be a request I could not fulfill....

The concept of home does not necessarily have to mean a space. I then began thinking of the concept of people who symbolize "home". Close friends and family whose love envelops you with warmth, acceptance and provide total safety and radiate love in all they do. My mom is one of those people to me. Her love, as the love of all mothers, is so pure and unconditional, you can't help but to feel so blessed in the presence of such showers of acceptance.

In the 850 sq. foot apartment we have been creating a home for ourselves. This space would allow a place for movement, dancing, playing, lounging, sleeping, eating, creating, etc...these spaces are the foundations of our new home. Figuring out our priorities was the first step. We wanted the kids close by, we wanted a space for guests to be able to come stay, I wanted a space to create and a large open space for the kids to have access to their blocks and animals. It resulted in the kids' toys taking up half the living room, we are in the process of setting up the extra bedroom for guests and kids have their beds in our bedroom, one on each side of our giant family bed. Although we would prefer a house with a backyard, this would have to do for a year or two. We will make it as much of a home as we could despite the lack of nature which we prefer.

Next, the concept of being at home in my own body. I have been working out my body hard lately. The apartment has a free gym....or should I say, "gem". Now I have no excuse for not working out. How I have allowed myself to become so overweight is a mystery and one that I am working hard to correct. Yet, aside from my own frustration with my body, I do love it and appreciate all it does. I recall Katie Byron asking of one of her workshop participants, "what is right about your body?" and claiming that "no one else could carry that body..only you". I have a very strong body. When laboring with Nora for over a literally week I was able to withstand a enormous amount of laboring and non-sleep. My husband, who works out daily and is super healthy, was having a hard time keeping up...he needed his sleep and simply could not function without it. I am blessed to have all my parts and all my parts working. For that alone is reason to rejoice.

As a person I aim to make people feel at home with me. I aim to disarm whatever preconceptions and insecurities they feel when in my presence. I have learned that the only way to accomplish this is through accepting yourself fully and in every way being at home with yourself. That way you do not bring any of your own baggage to the table. I use to be incredibly reactive to people's moods and energies. I would as much as sense a person in an off mood and soak it up and personalize it as if the entire world had to be about me. It was horrible. I went around claiming to be "sensitive" and warning the world of my spongy quality. Through hard work, I have observed that all, not even some....all people's moods have nothing to do with me..NOTHING. I now no longer absorb these negative energies. I simply see them for what they are.....personal to them. In this way I aim to take "home" wherever I am. In the spirit of Gandhi, I will be the "home" I wish to see in this world.